My grandmother always told me "when someone shows you who they are BELIEVE them". Even after being on this earth 32 years I, just like many other women have at some point found this hard to achieve especially when dealing with relationships and the men in our lives. It's as if we lose our grasp of reality and turn into oblivious fools. The signs are there screaming to our conscious but we continue to question reasons behind a mans clear actions.
Why are women so easily guided by words vs. actions? As insane as it seems we've all been there a time or two or three. We continuously sabotage ourselves into believing the fairytale that we want our lives to be vs. the truth that we're living. When it's all over we find ourselves years down the line in relationships that are unfulfilling and likely unhealthy. From there it's all a pity party but we can only blame ourselves.
It's time for women to realize that life is way too short and your time is far too precious to waste on someone who can talk a good game day in and day out but can never follow it up with true action. It's the typical okie-doke. You hope and pray things will change and even when they don't you stay longer and hope and pray some more. At some point even god is looking at you with the side eye.
If you find yourself in one of these situations don't let it take endless instances for you to get the point. If you pay attention the signs will present themselves early on. Smarten up ladies and stop making excuses for the obvious. In most cases and in my opinion when you see the signs it's time to chunk the deuces but if you decide to stay it's very necessary that you quickly adjust your expectations and learn how to deal with this person based on how you're being treated. Stop giving your all to someone who's not mature enough to even reciprocate the effort of giving you his all back.
Remember a person will only do to you what you allow. Women will easily put a mans needs before their own but in this case strive to keep your needs at the forefront. When you make it clear how important you and your needs are a real man won't have any issues following suite. You have to know and understand your worth.
Desperation can quickly lead to irrational behavior so don't let fear of not having a man or ending a relationship corner you into changing who you are and the level respect you expect from a partner. In most cases the standard in which you start a relationship is the standard upheld throughout the relationship and once you allow certain things to take place it can be very difficult to demand anything different.
I know everyone wants love but it has to make sense ladies and it's not just something you want to give to a person that clearly doesn't deserve it!
Mel, I agree. However, a bought lesson sticks longer than a taught lesson any day. Many people have to go thru it to move past it. I've had a recent situation where a close friend continuously repeated negative gossip about someone I love. This close friend was warned a while ago to not even repeat anything she heard from this bias source she constantly converses with because she's simply a miserable, messy and unreliable source of a person. Unfortunately, she did and all hell broke loose. As a result, I reacted in a way to show this bias person the dire consequences to gossiping and how people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I feel no remorse for hurting this other individual because she is a retched character, I want her to think twice before she parts her lips to gossip again. The friend caught in the middle is angry bc she repeated lies, that set this whole ordeal in motion but refuses to take accountability. By the way, this friend has vented to me 3 years now the many faults of her man but I never found it necessary to harp on his negatives. I realize this friend lacked a father growing up and she needs this male figure in her life, so who am I to try to poison her feelings towards him based on what she said he has does versus what he does for her. At the end of the day, I am resolved to believe most people are hypocrites and will straddle the fence forever before accepting responsibility for their actions. Ok, now that I've vented... great blog and lo e the setup!
ReplyDeleteMeant to say "what she said he has done versus what he does for her". And I love the setup!
ReplyDeleteGirl you are on a roll :). I feel you and it is a tough situation. I can only imagine this dire consequences you speak of above. It's truly a sad situation for your friend. I am the same way, I don't like to get in the middle of situations with friends and their men because you're right who am I to judge but when you have a friend that you love dearly you can't help but think about it in a sense of what you feel they "should" do when in a bad situation. It's the human part of all of us. In the end, they have to see the truth for themselves and in most cases that's not even good enough.
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ReplyDeleteThis is so true. A person will treat you only how you allow them to!!
ReplyDelete@ Dee, I don't knwow what's going on but others have also encountered problems signing up and leaving comments. I hope they get this fixed asap. Keep trying. It may work sporadically.
ReplyDelete@ V, It's so true. I think back to past relationships and I was a naive little fool. All I knew was ok, mmhmm, yes, alright. It's sad. I am so happy I was a mad black women by the time I met my hubby (sad part is I didn't even have to be a mad black woman at that point) because it truly allowed me to see a situation for what it really was and put my needs at the forefront.
Sissy, I totally agree. I know all of us have made bad, questionable decisions when it comes to love and relationships. I'm so glad I figured it out a long time ago and I am content with being single and not allowing a man to use me and not give me his all when I was there giving my all. Maybe one day, I will find that special someone, but at the moment, I'm not even looking. Being content and knowing that when you do find that "potential' special someone, you will be able to let them know upfront what you will and will not accept is a a wonderful thing. No more getting the OKIE-DOKIE from men, it's time they realize what will be taking place!!! Great Blog Sissy!!!!
ReplyDeleteDetra could not have said it better "a bought lesson sticks longer than a taught lesson any day." I'm stilling that girl!
ReplyDeleteTo me knowing your worth is the core of not getting the Oki-doke, loving and knowing that you are something great. Low self esteem is a deadly weapon ladies, dig deep your worth it.