Are Black Women Settling For Black Men?

In a day where interracial dating has become more and more popular you would be amazed at how many black women are still skeptical about stepping outside of their race to find love. There are so many questions that come into play, some that I've heard personally from friends who've attempted dating outside of their race. "Will I be labeled a sellout", "how will our kids be raised if we choose to have them" (will they be labeled black or white), "what if my white spouse can't relate to the everday black struggles that I'm faced with", and the list goes on and on. Meanwhile many of the women who have played into these assumptions remain single or loyal to black men who in some cases don't meet their needs or expectations and will possibly never take that walk down the isle. The question that has been raised is "Is Marriage For White People". The controversial new book by Author Ralph Richard Banks suggest that "interracial marriage may be a solution for middle-class African-American women who can’t find a suitable black husband". When I first read the article my heart was a little crushed. Growing up in a black household there was always this level of loyalty a black woman was to have to a black man. It's just a "black thing" but has this same loyalty left the black woman loveless? After reading more of the article I found that I agreed with bits of the authors views. Why should successful black women or any black woman for that matter settle for less in a mate for the sake of race? I know it's not a guarantee that if you engage in an interracial relationship that it will last forever however most black women today feel hopeless when it comes to finding a "successful" black man. Most of my friends in the dating game feel that black men are still aiming to be players and don't want to settle down. Black men claim that black women are too self absorbed and materialistic. The funny thing is black men have no qualms about dating outside of their race so again who's left out? The black woman. While I think interracial dating is a great idea to more possibilities of finding true love I also think there are other issues surrounding "some" black women that hinders their possibility of finding the successful black man that their looking for. I think in a lot of cases "successful black women" have become out of touch with the needs of a man. A man has to feel like he's a man as cliché as it may sound. He has to feel wanted and needed. I had to learn this the hard way in my own marriage. When a man doesn't feel wanted and needed he won't stick around. Can you blame him? It doesn't mean bow down to this mans every egotistical need but there has to be healthy balance. Sometimes woman take their "success" to an uncompromising level "I don't need a man", "I can do this on my own" etc. When I hear statements like this I know I am listening to a woman that's been severely hurt and no longer knows how to let her guard down or be a real partner. It's a lose lose situation no matter who she dates. A strong man can't and won't deal with that type of attitude and a meeker and milder guy will likely get run over and taken for granted by a women who has those views. I know the numbers may be declining but I for one still believe there are some good black men out there. Do I oppose interracial dating? Absolutely not. I am the first person to tell you to go for it. Love has no color. Your happiness is what means the most. The bottom line is within any courtship, relationship and marriage an open mind is imperative. Take the time to truly learn yourself and you will hopefully attract more of what you're looking for in a partner regardless of race. Also remember we get hung up on the word success a lot. Everyone wants it but success does not equal happiness. People working everyday jobs are no less successful than someone with a degree. When you broaden your view of people as a whole you'll be amazed at what shines through about a person. You're definition of success may change. You may just find your life partner and embark on a lasting relationship.